Dot your "i"s and cross your "t"s: social politics

This is the 3rd time in about a week that I have sat down to write a new blog.  Each time has been a different subject matter.  So, what's my problem?  Honestly, I'm trying to make sure I don't cross any finely drawn social boundary lines - a hazard of small town living in particular.  *Digression: Let me tell you something that all new people to small town living quickly, or eventually (depending on how fast they assimilate) come to realize:  social politics are huge!  Everyone knows everyone and word gets out fast if someone really messes up or says the "wrong" thing.  I find it very difficult to be me naturally, for fear I'll say something wrong or unacceptable to the norm of the area.  It can be exhausting walking that high wire through the mind field. End of digression.*  I know I probably shouldn't care what other people think, but I can't help it - I'm a people pleaser.  I come from a long line of people pleasers: my mom, her mom and, for all I know, her mom.  It must be hereditary.  And I like the friends I'm making here.

Have you ever had someone in your life who, for some reason you cannot for the life of you figure out why, doesn't like or avoids you, even if they initially were friendly?  Example: 3rd grade.  A new girl, we'll call her Suzie, comes to school and I, being the friendly 8 year-old I was, introduce myself and try to make a new friend.  She made my life hell from then on through high school.  At one point, I even thought she would follow me to college (she was accepted to the small college I was going to).  I never once said anything mean or rude to the child, but she made it her mission to tease and/or mock me every chance she got.  She even "took" a friend of mine (who said she had to pretend not to be my friend in front of said girl - ouch).  Our 8th grade year, there was another new girl, who I did become friends with.  Suzie sucked her into her little spider web, wrapped her up in her silk, and hung her out to dry.  Having been on the receiving end of Suzie's venom, I knew what the other girl was going through and I was glad she still considered me a friend. She has stayed a friend all these years and, though I haven't seen her in many years (she lives in another country now), I do miss hanging out with her.  As for Suzie, she probably doesn't remember being cruel to me (I still don't know what I did to incur her wrath while no one else did) and I really try in my heart of hearts to forgive her, but it's a challenge.

Okay, so Suzie wasn't friendly in the beginning, but let's explore an ex-boyfriend, they're usually very nice in the beginning.  Let's call him George (his name has been changed to protect...oh let's just say it's because I'm a nice person).  George was my best friend from sophomore year in high school through my senior year (his freshman year in college).  I kid you not, we called and talked to each other on the phone every single night for over a year straight.  I went to his senior prom, I went to one of his college formals, we went to a wedding together out of state (separate rooms!).  We were inseparable.  He was my first love.  I vehemently denied he was my boyfriend (I don't know why, so don't ask!), until we decided to "officially" date the summer between my senior year in high school and my freshman year in college.  For some reason, the "official"-ness of it all kinda killed a little bit of what we had, so we "broke up", but remained friends.  Things were fine until the first few weeks of college, then he didn't want to talk to me on the phone or even see me at holiday breaks.  I asked him why he didn't want to talk to me.  His answer: "We have nothing to talk about."  I was crushed.  What did I do?  To this day, I still don't know.  And a couple of years later, he has the nerve, at a homecoming game, to say when he sees me: "Hey Stranger!"  All I could think of was my mother's voice saying: "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" (Yep, I told him that too).  And I was thinking so many not so nice things, like: It's YOUR (insert appropriate curse word) fault we're "strangers"!  Now, I kindly refer to him as "The Jerk".  So "George", if you ever read this, what the hell did I do?!

We've moved a few times, and I've had a few people give me the cold shoulder after I initially thought a friendship was possible.  I think on them, search my memory for something I might have said or done to offend, and I honestly cannot think of anything so heinous that would warrant a sudden cut off of communication.  So, I ask anyone of those people from Detroit on (we'll call Suzie from grammar school a wash): Tell me, what did I do to warrant the social cold shoulder?  If I offended you, or had a social misstep, I'm sorry, it wasn't my intention.  Mea Culpa.

Excuse me, I need to go and find my people pleaser happy place.

Mothers!

Ah May...You are probably one of my favorite months.  And not just because you're my birth month, but because you are the epitome of spring!  You almost always guarantee warm weather, strawberries are ripe and ready to pick, you have the 3 day weekend at the end, pools open, the end of school is just around the corner and flowers are abundant.  And Mother's Day.  While I realize Mother's Day is a Hallmark holiday and every day our children are with us is a Mother's Day in it's own right (as long as I see my kiddos smile at me every day, I'm good to go!), it is nice to have the day's intentions acknowledged.  Yes, even though we say "Oh I don't need anything!  I have you guys!", secretly, we want to the handmade cards and gifts from school, the burnt toast in bed, and the dandelion bouquet from the garden.

Last year, our son made Mother's Day last a good month!  The week leading up to it and a couple of weeks following, any time he found a flower at school, he would pick it and save it for when I came to pick him up.  When I arrived he would present me with the buttercups or clovers and say "Happy Mother's Day Mommy!"  My heart would melt and it would be Mother's Day all over again.

Years ago, before our son was born, many people told me that when I had kids, not to take any moment for granted.  From the time our son was born, I have really tried not too.  I try to make sure I treasure the moments, even those when, as a baby, he was screaming for no apparent reason; when he tests boundaries; when he asked why for the millionth time; or when he tries to negotiate his way out of or into something.  I try to hug, kiss and snuggle him whenever he wants to because I know there might come a day when he doesn't want Mommy to touch him (perish the thought!).  He knows it too, because he sometimes uses bedtime hugs and kisses to delay going to bed - it kills me to tell him no more!  With our baby girl, I'm trying to do the same thing.  When she wakes up in the middle of the night, I drag my reluctant butt out of bed and go to her, because for some reason, she needs me.  How long will she need me like that? I also realize that boundaries do need to be set, and sometimes Mama needs to be firm and not (contrary to what her heart says) give in or be permissive, because we want our children to grow up to be self-sufficient adults who still love us because we set those boundaries and gave them guidelines.  But I don't think an extra snuggle here or there is going to spoil any progress.

There are mothers who have lost their little ones this year who will not have their children to hug, kiss, snuggle, scold and teach this Mother's Day.  They are still mothers, they are just mothers to angels.  They carried a child for some amount of time, and that makes them a mother.  Our first pregnancy made an angel, and I was heartbroken that first Mother's Day.  I should have been holding a baby in my arms that day.  But, God had other plans.  Little did I know but at the time, I was pregnant with our son!  Because I had to have a D&C with our first pregnancy, that first little life help to make a clean home for his/her little brother.  Does that mean I forget that first pregnancy? Nope. Not a chance.  That little one will always be with me.

So, this Mother's Day, whether your kids are big or small, snuggle them a little longer, play with them, cook with them, let them burn your toast and pick flowers out of your garden - they are the reason you celebrate this day!

To Move or Not to Move

If you lived where we live, with all this fracking stuff happening all around you, what would you do?  Preemptive strike and get out before anything happens?  Stick it out until something does happen?  It's a crap shoot.  I guess it depends on how much you like the area and how much you have invested in it.  It is entirely possible that nothing will go wrong and that, aside from the obnoxiousness of all the trucks, ground shaking when the frack happens (even the drillers say the ground shakes.  And why wouldn't it?  They are BREAKING the rock below our feet!), noise from fans and influx of potentially very transient people, life will continue on in our quiet little hamlet without incident.  But, with all those pitfalls just listed, plenty could go wrong and greatly affect our everyday lives, and THEN we would have to move.  To what end?  Will we be sick?  God forbid (and I hate even putting it in writing, much less thinking it) something happen to the kids.

Crime will go up.  My husband says: "But Beth, you lived in and just outside DC, in Virginia Beach, and IN Detroit.  The potential crime that will come here will never rival what you've lived with, and yet you want to move BACK to Norther Virginia, where you KNOW the crime rate is higher".  Yes, because that's where family is and I expect a certain amount of crime - a learning curve, if you will.  But here, because of where it is and the type of community it is, there's an expectation of safety.  The expectation that your neighbor is keeping an extra eye out for you.  Does that mean that crime doesn't happen here?  No (this whole fracking without unequivocal proof that nothing will happen thing is a crime, if you ask me).  That we shouldn't continue to be as vigilant here as in Norther Virginia or Virginia Beach?  No.  Is there a false sense of security?  Maybe.  It's ingrained in me to be vigilant, especially of the kids.  But, it is nice to know that there hasn't been (again, I hesitate to write this and jinx things) any gang related murders in the recent past.  I don't even know if there's a crime log for this town.  Where we just moved from, there was a website you could go on and find out the latest crime stats for a given street!

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I will gladly eat my words when the fracking goes on and nothing bad happens.  Do I want to be here if/when something happens?  Not really, but where ever we would go, there will be problems of some sort there too, hopefully nothing as life threatening or altering; no place is perfect.  As of this moment, we're staying here.  God help us.

Frack This!

For those of you not familiar with horizontal hydraulic fracking, here's a more substantial "Fracking for Dummies" explanation than what the wiki dictionary might give you.  Enjoy!

Let's start with a basic shallow vertical gas well.

This is a picture of what a typical vertical, shallow gas well looks like above ground:




http://www.newgeography.com/content/00342-gas-boom-ripples-through-pennsylvania-economy


http://stateimpact.npr.org/pennsylvania/2011/09/12/can-pennsylvanias-state-forests-survive-additional-marcellus-shale-drilling/

These, and similar looking ones, currently dot the countryside of our fair part of PA.  Driving from my house to Walmart, there must be at least 15, probably more.  There is one of these not a mile from my house.  They do not appear to be intrusive and, if you didn't know what they were, you probably would think they were well water containers, or had something to do with watering the fields.  Shallow gas wells tap the gas that is within about 3,000 feet from the surface (http://www.bairdpetro.com/shallow_gas.htm).  Deeper gas wells, such as those that are needed to reach the Marcellus Shale here in PA, need to go down about a mile plus (http://www.earthworksaction.org/files/publications/OGAPMarcellusShaleReport-6-12-08.pdf?pubs/OGAPMarcellusShaleReport-6-12-08.pdf).

Many of the shallow wells have been around for decades, some even dating back to the 1920's.  Many of the older ones have stopped producing and they SHOULD have been filled in; many are not.  Many gas companies are holding the landowners to the original lease and will be horizontally drilling on their land (whether the land owners want them to or not), and may or may not be increasing land owner royalties from the original lease amounts - that's a whole other issue and not one that I am going to tackle.  None of this is black and white, cut and dry.  I am not an expert.  I am a person very new to the whole concept of natural gas drilling and I am still trying to learn what I can and sort everything out.  That being said, I want more people to know about gas drilling and the effects it can have on our environment and ourselves.

I am making an assumption when I say this: I am guessing that the shallow wells in this area are traditional vertical wells (straight down), possibly directional (drilled at a slant to access multiple pockets, frequently used in offshore drilling http://www.naturalgas.org/naturalgas/extraction_directional.asp).  I assume this because it seems that modern horizontal fracking procedures are a relatively new procdure (horizontal drilling, not for gas, has been around since the 1890's).  They simply didn't have the technology in the early half of the 20th century to create horizontal gas wells.  Horizontal drilling allows for more access to more, previously unreachable with vertical drilling, resources with, presumably, less actual drill holes.  Once the horizontal well has been drilled, high pressure shoots chemically altered water, called fracking brine, down the pipe to the horizontal area and the water shoots through holes in the pipe forcing the shale to fracture and release the gases within, simply put.  The gas and the fracking brine are then pumped back out.  The fracking brine is transferred to holding ponds to be taken by tankers to "treatment plants" or "injection wells" (the water is dumped down an old well and sealed in.  The Marcellus Shale geology isn't conducive to receiving injection wells, so that method isn't used in this area.  Brine sent treatment plants get "treated" (not really, there's no way all of those chemicals can be removed from the brine to give us our water back) and used as either road deicer or dumped back into waterways (http://www.marcellus-shale.us/drilling_wastewater.htm). Yum.


http://www.naturalgas.org/naturalgas/extraction_directional.asp

Remember what those shallow wells looked like?  This is what is required to run a horizontal fracking well:

Well pad containing the well, and the numerous trucks to cart fracking equipment, chemicals and fluids, as well as the gas.

http://www.larsondesigngroup.com/2011/01/21/larson-design-group-develops-energy-group-to-meet-growing-trends/

Well pads with adjoining truck parking and containment ponds (for the fracking fluids containing "proprietary" fracking chemicals.



Both pictures from http://marcellus-wv.com/impacts/land-area

Lovely aren't they?  Definitely not the unobtrusive shallow well containers, are they?

So, there you have it.  Fracking in a nutshell.  Take from this what you will.  Do your own research, make your own opinions.

Next up:  To move or not to move?  That's the fracking question.

Our Childrens' Success

Watch this:  http://youtu.be/NScs_qX2Okk

Sometimes, we forget.  We get lost in the day to day: school, work, activities, fracking etc.  One day, we are cradling our little ones in our arms, the next they are running excitedly to the school bus and then...well, I guess we'll find out!

When our son was born, I looked down at his little, sleeping face, held his tiny hand and wondered what he would be like.  What would those hands do? Who would he look like? What would he be interested in?  What kind of person would he be?  He's not done growing and learning, but already he surprises me with how much he knows about dinosaurs, and math and reading and his imagination never ceases to amaze me.  Like the mothers in the video, I watch him grow and learn and when he accomplishes something he has been working toward, the feeling of pride of being HIS mother brings tears to my eyes.

What those mothers in the video are experiencing is something every mother I know looks forward to experiencing.  Maybe not on such a wordly scale (although it would be pretty cool to see my son in the Olympics or something along the same lines), but seeing their children succeed is central to being a parent.  Whatever they do: a math test, a sport, getting along with friends, conquering a personal struggle - every little success counts. But, with every success, we have to let go of a little part of our attachment.  We can share in their joy and celebrate their success, but those successes become part of who our children are as individuals.  We have to let them grow.  And that, is our job as parents.  They will always be a part of us, because they are our children, biological, adopted or otherwise, but they need to become their own person.

Right now, my 8 month old daughter is sitting next to me in her big girl seat eating puffs.  When she wants more, she leans forward towards me and slaps her hand on her tray.  I'm trying to teach her the sign for "more".  The first time she does it, we will celebrate her success, and she will continue to grow!

It's been awhile!

I apologize for not writing for so long!  My monitor died on me on Easter Sunday (although we're reviewing the autopsy - it may not have been an actual death) so my computer has been sidelined since then.  Anyway, I hope everyone had a great Easter weekend.  It was a bit colder than I would have like it to have been, but it was nice to spend time with my husband and the kiddos.  I'm still waiting for a really nice afternoon to put the kids in their Easter outfits and take some pictures outside.  I may be waiting for awhile - the next few warmer days are actually supposed to be rainy.

First up: an update.  The school board voted to pursue a gas lease for school property.  Granted, they have several "demands" that must be included in their lease or they won't do it (supposedly), but still, my heart broke. Especially since they asked the Superintendent to research gas drilling/fracking/etc. and get back to them with a recommendation and she did: she urged them not to pursue a lease.  They voted 8 - 1 in favor of pursuing the lease.  Why ask her to do all that work if you already knew what you were going to do?!  I liked what one board member proposed: get a vote from the people of the district on what they would like the board to do.  That was, of course, summarily shot down.

Moving on.  I'm a member of a "birth club" board for both my kids, and on the one for my daughter, someone asked the question "Would your child be an only child and why?".  Funny thing is, we thought for a little bit (read: a week or so) of having just our son.  Here's the back story:

When we got married, DH always said he wanted a baseball team with relief players! I told him it wasn't going to happen. He said he would settle for 4, I told him MAYBE 3.  We had ODS in 2006, and I wanted to give him a sibling not too long afterwards. We realized there was no way we could afford 2 in child care, so we would wait until ODS would be going to kindergarten. Around when ODS was 3 or 4 (after he was potty trained, which was a pain and I didnt want to go through it again), I began to think that maybe having just him would be great!  He was becoming more independant and I was back at school getting my Master's and, since he would be going to public school, we could start saving some money and paying off things and maybe, just maybe, go on a real family vacation!  Then, the bug bit me.  Our son would be going to school in the fall, and I wanted him to have a sibling. HE wanted a sibling. So, our daughter is 5.5 years younger than her brother. 
Our daughter was a planned c-section, for many various reasons.  While I was having the C (and was having a rougher time of it than with our son), hubby starts talking about #3! I think he was trying to make me laugh or something (which is really hard to do when you're numb from your chest down).  Even our son is with him on having another one (funny - they say "Let's (= Let us) have another!", but who's REALLY having the baby?!).  I swore I was done and happy with my 2 at that time. I mean, it makes sense: we have a boy, we have a girl; I was not a great pregnant person; delivery (C or other) terrifies me; it would be nice to eventually, sooner, pay off some bills and take a real vacation. So, why do I occasionally think I want a 3rd?  I don't know, but I will consider adoption should the bug bite me again! :o)

Reminiscing with my addiction

Hello.  My name is Beth, and I am a Shutterfly addict.  I don't remember exactly how I came to know Shutterfly: it may have been through Pampers Gifts to Grow and browsing through the reward options, or maybe someone introduced me to it, I don't remember.  I had heard about it, but I don't think I had ever used it until my sister made our son a book for his 1st birthday.  Then I remember really looking into the rewards on Pampers.  Then I signed up for their emails and that was it.  I created my own share site, I printed pictures to put into actual photo albums.  I created books and used my Pampers points to order them.  They even sent me codes for discounted prints, photo gifts, prints, books and codes for free books!  FREE books (S&H not included)!  I have made calendars, magnets, shopping bags, mugs and an ornament, most of those were gifts.  I'm working on our daughter's first year book right now.  I have their app on my phone - I can upload pics right from my phone to my folders or even my share site!  It's a photo junky's crack and enabler all in one.

Where am I going with this?

I just read with our son the book I made of his preschool-Pre-K years - his three years with the same teacher at her in-home preschool.  She was practically his second mother.  He was 2 1/2 when he started with her.  I saw three years of his life and education right in front of me, and our son was able to read along with me, thanks, in part, to her.  Reading the last few pages, of his last few days with her this past summer, I almost teared up.  It's hard not to tear up right now.  He has grown so much and it was hard knowing that when he went to school this year, she wasn't going to be his teacher.  I wasn't going to go and pick him up after work and be able to talk with her about his day: what he learned, what they played, funny stories of what he did or said.  He was one of 6.  Now he's one of 21.  Don't get me wrong: his teacher this year is very nice, and when I see her, she will pass on an anecdote of our son, or say how he's doing, but I don't get the daily report, or the closer relationship like I had with his preschool teacher.  I miss that.

I'm looking at his spring school picture on my desk.  So much has happened this year.  I guess I had better go and get started on his Shutterfly book for this year.